:: blogging: mccord style ::

Valentines Day Massacre Poem

There are more than 7,893 reasons that my husband rules, and on Valentines Day, he made it more than 7,894, when he gave me, as one of my Valentines gifts, a poem he'd written. For me. He handed me the poem after dinner, and before dessert (he's getting better on timing -- usually if Ross has a gift for me, he can't even wait 'til we're out to dinner, he'll give it to me when I'm in the middle of drying my hair, or just stepping out of the shower. So it's been an ongoing joke (since before we were married) about how whenever he's bought me a present, he gets so eager to give it to me, that he can't stop himself, and I'm always asking him to wait 'til it's a better 'moment,' i.e.  when I'm not brushing my teeth.

So, when he handed over the poem, I was already impressed that he managed to wait until it WAS a perfect moment, and even more shocked, as I started reading, and simultaneously crying my eyes out, and laughing so hard I almost wet myself.  It was such a perfect mix of sweet and tender, and hilariously funny.  It might not be as funny to you, since there are some inside jokes in it, but I thought I'd share it anyway, because well, it rules. And so does he.  This is one of the best gifts I've ever been given (and that's a bold statement considering I've got a 5 carat diamond ring on my jewelry-loving-finger, so you KNOW I love it). =)

Here's the poem Ross wrote me, for Valentines Day...

Kelly, my love, the one I adore
There's no other girl who I could love more

Your eyes, your heart, your wonderful smile
For you I would go the extra one mile

When we first met I was only age twenty
And you thought, and I thought, that we were both so damn funny.

"That girl is pretty!" I thought in my head,
"I'd like to get her into my bed,

"Not only that, she's got a great chest,"
and well, ... you know the rest.

Then in 1998 we picked up our bags
and journeyed to strange and foreign lands.

From the ghosts in Bath to the sunburn in Greece,
we got along great, with the greatest of ease.

The following year, In August Nine-Nine,
I finally made you mine, all mine.

14 months later, after an evening of lust
Bella popped out of your uterus

A beautiful child had entered our life
Me, Isabella, Baby-Mama - NO! Wife!

Our family was growing, we were having such fun.
But we were too small, still short by one.

Along came Sofia, she grew in your belly
A wonderful girl we call little Kelly.

Years later we thought, "Let's add one more"
And so we got Pippin, who shits on the floor.

Been over 8 years since we first tied the knot,
and I am SO HAPPY with what I have got.

A woman so loving and caring it's true,
Your eyes, skin and hair - a lovely brown hue.

I cherish you from your head to your toes
and will readily crush all of your foes.

You make me feel wanted, happy and safe
I'll hold you so tight, let's hope it won't chafe.

You're a wonderful mother to our kids 1 and 2
with gentleness and love when they both have the flu.

A beautiful woman on the outside and in,
my heart goes a flutter when I see you grin.

Our future is bright for hearts such as ours,
I'm so glad we don't hang out at bars
    (well, except for "The 'jammer" that one's a bash
    it's fun to hang out with all the white trash)

This new year is going to be awesome, you'll see -
we'll be stuck to each other, like the honey and bees.

Our time as a family, increased once more
Ross, Kelly, Isabella, Sofia - that's four!

To sum up this poem, I just want to say
that to God I give thanks almost every day

Your beauty and love, they fill up my soul,
like some kind of tasty casserole.

I love you my Kelly, my darling, my wife
You make worth living, this now wonderful life.

(now let's get dessert and ditch this pop-stand
and go right on home to play some Rock Band®)

I was literally crying my eyes out, and laughing so hard, I think the table next to us thought I might be mental, but I loved it so much, it was like a Dr. Seuss poem about our relationship, and it was both hysterical, and so wonderfully sweet. The reason the last 2 stanzas are in gray, was because they weren't intended to be part of the 'official' poem, but Ross thought it was funny, so added it in.  See? Awesome. I'm a lucky girl. =)

Rhyme-nocerous and the Hip-Hop-Potamous

People!! Are you bored with summertime television? (I am). I  have a hilarious cure for what ails you.  Flight of the Conchords (on HBO) is one of the funniest things I've seen on television in a long time. It's up there with the Office, and Arrested Development. I kid you not, it is so freaking funny, Ross and I literally don't stop laughing the entire time (and rewinding, and re-watching).  Really, truly, I don't usually post stuff like this, but you've got to watch it. You will thank me for it.

Here are some samples, if you don't believe me (and I think you can download one of the episodes for free on iTunes)...

Here's "Part Time Model," which they sing to try and woo a girl, at a party, which is HIlarious, "you're so beautiful, you could be a waitress, you're so beautiful you could be a part-time model, but you'd probably still have to keep your day-job"... Click here to see the clip...

and The HBO site, where you can (for a limited time) watch the entire fourth episode, here. The first episode I saw was "Mugged," and in my mind, is the most funny of them all, here's their "rap," which is not to be missed.

Stop! Collaborate and Listen!

Oh man, Ross and I just finished watching this video, 'Evolution of Dance,' which takes you from Hound Dog, to today. It's so funny, Ross and I were cracking up the whole time we were watching it.

Check out Evolution of Dance, by clicking here.

I Know You Are, But What Am I?

These, 'You know you grew up in the 80's if...' lists have been around for awhile, but for some reason, this one really charmed me. My friend Brynn (there with me, in that early 90s shot - and again, as always, I apologize for the brows -- NOBODY told me! IT was the land of Brooke Shields -- pre-tom cruise -- and all was eyebrows baby!!),sent it to me.  Obsserve my rather large hair, stretching its way into the 90s.  (Brynn had bigger hair than I at certain points, but this, obviously was not one of them).I've read a bunch of these before, but this one in particular had me cracing up, I think especially since, as I read, I could see myself in almost all of them. (my notes in blue)
 
     1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word  "PSYCH."

Oh, "Psych!" you know, I still use this sometimes. I actually had a conversation with Ross a few months ago, about how I wanted to bring it back. It had so many shades of humiliation and 'you're so lame' in one small word. Really got the point across...
2. You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of Bel Air" and can do the "Carlton."
     3. Girls wore biker shorts under their skirts and felt stylishly sexy.
     4. Two words: Hammer Pants.
     5. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head. Who didn't?
     6. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side. I never had one of these, but a bunch of my friends did.
     7. You wore stone washed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it. Never Jordache, I was all about the GUESS? jeans. I think I'm too young to be into Jordache.
     8. L.A.Gear....need I say more? L.A. Gear? Reebok, all the way, baby! (with 4 pairs of matching scrunchy socks)
     9. You remember reading "Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing" and all the Ramona Quimby books. I want my kids to read the Ramona books, my mom read them too...and Judy Blume? My favorite author. Hello, God? It's me, Kelly!
     10. You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON,WAX OFF."
     11. You ever wore fluorescent clothing.(some of us...head-to-toe). meh. I had a few shirts. never got into the day-glo thing.
     12. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks shifted. I remember doing AEROBICS to PYT, in a leotard!
     13. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after every sentence. Well, that's kind of true.
     14. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes (and probably in neon colors, too).From Mr. Wongs in downtown Santa Cruz.
     15. After you saw "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure" you kept saying "I know you are, but what am I? I can still quote from that movie, and I haven't seen it in YEARS!
     16. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up."

See Spot Run!

Another one for the time-wasting department. I promise, I'm in the process of editing two weddings, and a few photo shoots. But I'm in the midst, and a girl can't work (or clean her house top to bottom and do loads and loads of laundry, which has been my life the past few days) all day long.

I happened upon this is fun site that helps you find the best 'spot' for you to live, based on a multitude of questions-and-answers. I was interested to find where I'm most suited to live. (An aside, I bet Ross gets completely different spots.)

1. Medina Washington (average home price $840K, hey, sounds like the Bay Area!).

2. San Juan Islands, Washington

3. Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina
(Notice how the first three are right on the ocean?)

4. Guthrie, Oklahoma. (Wha?)

5. Winterville, North Carolina

They give you your top 20ish matches. Interestingly Washington and North Carolina came up the most. Mostly Washington, which wasn't super surprising. But North Carolina...isn't that the south? I wonder how I'd do in the south. It doesn't seem like the kind of place to take kindly to jeans, t-shirts, flip-flops and no makeup. And also, my hair's not very big. But I could be stereotyping. My sisty's husband Steve went to law school at Duke University, and he lurved it there. Even trying to convince my sister it might be a nice place to live. So, when are we moving guys?

Granted, you can check different areas of the country you'd like to live, and I chose west coast and pacific northwest (even though California and Oregon didn't come up once), so the answers might be different if I'd just checked 'don't care,' but I was curious about where I'm most suited, without going too far outside of my comfort zone.

Thanks to WhiFinCog for the cool find.

Obi Wan Cannoli

A very clever take on Star Wars.    Or maybe I'm just easily amused. Or maybe both.

Guilty Pleasure

I found a new blog that I know I'm going to be visiting a lot. It's hilariously funny. In a nutshell it's the US Magazine snarky last pages, where they show pictures of celebrities in awful/ridic outfits and let comics rip them apart. Except in blog form. Fugly is the new Pretty!

Seniors RULE!

I was dying laughing at this collection of senior portraits.Go check it out.


Edited to add: bummer, he must've taken it down - I'm sure it was getting loads of hits. It's too bad too, because it was seriously funny. And that bowling shot? Was one of the tamer ones.

Girl(y?) Power

Given that I used to have an almost frightening aversion to pink, and it's my oldest daughter's favorite color - I suppose this is might be construed as a good thing.

You're a girl power mommy! You love to be girly,
but you're no pushover. Your kids are learning
that gender differences don't have to mean
gender inequality. You've taken back pink, and
you don't care who knows it!


What kind of a freaky mother are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Sorry for the lack of blogging, and/or if you've emailed me, lack of response - our DSL was down -- the HORROR!

via Amber.

Advertising at its Best

My friend sent me this ad, and it is so cool, i wanted you to be able to see it...Click here. Make sure you watch the whole thing. It's a little quiet, so you might need to turn up your speakers...