Doctor Celebrity

Ross and I went together (alone! without kids!) to see my neurosurgeon today. And I realized a few things while we were there.

You know that special awe (or respect) you (me?) sometimes have while you're waiting for your doctor? The feeling like, while you're waiting in the exam room, you should speak in somewhat hushed tones, not get up, stay put, don't look at things, don't touch anything. That kind of thing?  I realized, Ross and I have spent so much time waiting for doctors this past year, we don't really have that awe anymore. We were laughing SO hard the entire time we were in there, I almost fell off my chair and wet myself I was in such a gale of giggles. I felt like I owned that room. I got up and wandered around, went over to the counter to stretch my back, was looking at the forms on the wall, playing with the soap dispenser and the sink (with mirror!), checked out my scar, played with and pretended to lick the plastic spine, etc., etc. Ross got up and played with the door (Stanford has these doorstops that are magnetic, and he could NOT figure out how they got it to stay open).

While I was leaning over and stretching my back, I happened to see this form.  Wow! Now that's not the kind of form you see everyday. 

And then of course, they had me fill out the requisite form telling them why I came in to see them, how my back is doing, etc., etc. And Ross and I began our normal riff on this form. If you've ever been to visit a doctor, you know the form  one I'm talking about. Whenever I've been in the hospital, or even just at a regular doctor, Ross and I (because we're obnoxious) find a lot of delight ripping on it.  I know there's a reason for it; to help patients convey their current state of misery. I get it. I'm sure it's helpful. Somewhere. (I'll have to consult Lorrel on this one to see if doctors think it's as lame as we do.) But the graphics are so asinine, and it just seems like just asking someone to describe how they're feeling would do the same trick. Maybe because I haven't gone to med school it alludes me. But whatever. Like I said, Ross and I have probably spent hours making fun of this form. I'm not kidding. Even when I was drugged enough to kill a small dog last time I was in the hospital, I had a nurse point to it, and ask my level of pain, and even in that sorry state I totally cracked up.

So of course, given that a) we're obnoxious and b) we were in there for an hour, we had a lot of time to kill. So, what did we do? We spent a good half hour mocking this form.  And really, my husband makes me laugh like no other. And this was no exception.  We decided to start trying to imitate the pictures, so when the doctor came in, I could tell him that I was feeling like my eyebrows were halfway up my forehead, with a slightly crinkled brow, and one side of my mouth was up (laughing at the lame form) and one side of my mouth was down (because of my stupid back). And so as we sat there busting each other up, we decided, let's do them all! And of course, we had the camera phone...

Here's how I was going to tell Dr. Kim I was feeling:

And here's how I've felt recently:

And here's how I felt in the hospital:

But haven't felt that bad since. Thank goodness for the form...otherwise how else could I have let the doctor and nurse know how my back felt!

And, true to form, Dr. Kim came in (did I mention we waited an hour? during which time we heard him arguing with a book editor or something letting them know he was about three chapters behind), he came in, didn't even sit down, looked at me sitting in the chair and said, "So! You're great! Good! Good! We'll see you about 3 more months!"  Before I could even ask him to augotraph my chest, let alone do the face I'd been working on, he was out the door. I'm not kidding -- he 'saw' me for about 30 seconds.

Comments

[Lorrel]

Ahh, the all-too-familiar "clinic" of a surgeon. Medicine docs tend to see 10 patients in an afternoon. The orthopedic surgeons I worked with routinely saw anywhere from 16-26 in an afternoon (yeah, 4 hrs). And since your doc is the famous chief who's writing a big book, he's got even less time on his hands.
At least you had fun in the waiting room. I can totally picture you guys having a BLAST for no good reason at all except that you like to find the humor in the world. As for that form, the faces are mostly there for children and those who don't read/speak English. It can be somewhat insulting, but the whole "level of pain" thing is one of the vitals that we try to record from every patient. For people who DO know how to read English, the scale of 1 to 10 with descriptions is sufficient, but somehow the face makes it on there too. As though someone MIGHT be using that form who doesn't speak English, even though the rest of the form is in English. Whatever. Faces are fun, and clearly make for hours of entertainment :).

[Misty]

That post rocked. I liked how there were humerous pictures of everything that was cracking you up. That from about the odd blood draw was awesome. Very good, I give it a very enthusiastic two thumbs up.

[Lorrel]

Oh, by the way.... good thing the doctor had your form, otherwise how would he have known how you were doing from his 30 sec visit?

[Wes]

A classic post. You two sound like such a fun couple. Heck if you can make hanging out in a doctors office...

[Sondra]

Long time reader/lurker- just had to say that you had me laughing out loud with the pain scale pics. Too funny!

[Lisa]

I remember when I first had Coley, I went back for an infection in my incision site. I was asked about the pain scale, and I was so confused--I remember asking, "Where does CHILDBIRTH fit in there?" It's all so relative! I wish I could have just made fun of it all then! But I was a little irked. Just a little.

Glad to see your funny bones weren't removed during your surgery!